I’m not the most romantic woman on the planet, so this here is my Valentines Day contribution to The Broke and The Bookish’s Top Ten Tuesday. Writing this list, I realized that I don’t read books with romantic interests. There’s only 5 on today’s list, and it was hard enough getting this far. I’ve definitely got to read more fiction this year.
Here we go! Here are 5 literary characters I’d rather slap around than date. (No, not in the Fifty Shades way.)
5.) Edward Cullen, The Twilight Series– There’s really nothing appealing about dating someone who is a century older than me. My boyfriend is 8 months my elder, and I still remind him constantly. More importantly, there’s nothing appealing about a boyfriend who is more hung up on my “virtue” than I am. I’m also far too old to think a sparkling boyfriend is desirable.
4.) Dumbledore, The Harry Potter Series– I couldn’t imagine having a significant other who was as meddlesome as Albus Dumbledore. I was never a fan, but I became even less so, toward the end of the series. Imagine having kids with a guy who allows his students to live in abusive situations. Then imagine being married to a man who blackmails and guilt trips his subordinates into further submission. Nope. Sounds like the making of an abusive relationship to me.
3.) Yunior, This is How You Lose Her– This whole book is about Yunior being an awful boyfriend, so he’s an easy choice. The book covers so much of his life, but he’s still the same boy at the end of it. He just doesn’t understand how to maintain a relationship with any type of woman, and that’s indicative of some deeper issues. Even though I have the feeling he’s incredibly cute, I’m not in the business of fixing or raising men.
2.) Daisy Buchanan, The Great Gatsby– There’s not much to say about this one, because I’m sure we were all thinking about how annoying she was while we read The Great Gatsby. I just didn’t see the allure. Daisy would be an awful wife if you expect to mean more to her than just a credit card. She’s indecisive and silly, so I’m pretty sure I couldn’t be her friend, either.
1.) Holden Caulfield, The Catcher in the Rye– This is my least favorite book in all of literature, as many of you know. When I came up with this list, I really didn’t want five characters– I just wanted one. Holden Caulfield. What an awful little cretin. For the record, Holden, Sally Hayes isn’t on this list. You are.
Honorable Mention: Natasha Robert, God Loves Haiti– I reviewed this book late in 2015. It’s the story of Natasha Robert and her love triangle in the direct aftermath of the Haitian earthquake. To reduce it the plot to a simple love triangle would be disrespectful, since it’s really the collective story of the Haitian people, fictionalized for the sake of the novel. Natasha is an honorable mention because (I’m trying not to spoil anything) we find out she’s not meant to be with either man. For those who decide to read this book (do it!) you’ll understand why she’s really the worst wife/girlfriend possible. But I’m okay with that, and I’m happy for her.
This was a short list because I’ve had a crazy last few days. I even didn’t get to Stanley Kowalski, Romeo/Juliet, Christian Grey, so I know they are more literary characters who would make awful significant others! Put them in the comments!